The relationships you build with your kids are vital. But, unfortunately, it is something that I think most parents overlook in the tween and teen stages of life because, well, attitudes. However, there are three ways you can strengthen your relationship with your teens today!
Three ways you can strengthen your relationship with your teens today!
Communication is the most important and possibly the only one that is a make or break. Talking to your kids is a great way to stay in the loop, but there is a reality to parenting life that our kids do keep things from us, whether they are small or not so small. Everyone always says to communicate, and it’s not an original idea by any means, but the tone in how you talk to your kids is the game changer. Your tone will be the door to having a good relationship with your kids.
Do you want that door open or closed? If someone talks “down” to us, we usually put up a wall, and our attitude changes to that person. Your kids are the same way. So when you find yourself in a situation where your kids are being ridiculous, step back and reexamine what’s happening. Change your tone to a more understanding one, and watch what happens.
“Attention! Attention! Read all about it!”
We live in a marvelous technological world, but with that comes the headaches of social media. Let me preface this; I love social media. I think it’s fun and a great way to stay in touch with friends and family. However, it can be detrimental to tweens and teens. Everyone wants likes on their posts and views on their stories, reels, and TikTok videos. Just like they want their digital life “liked” and “watched” for attention, kids want their parents to give them the same attention outside of the digital world.
It sounds crazy to think kids want attention from their parents as a tween or teens, but they do. Remember when they were little and wanted you to watch them nonstop (on the trampoline or jumping into the pool)? It still applies today but in different ways. If they play sports, they want your eyes focused on them. No kid wants to be on the court and see their parents giving more attention to a screen than them. And it isn’t just not paying attention; they want you to show up. Kids will say they don’t, but later in life, they will reflect on how their parents didn’t show up to watch them. Seriously, this has become a topic on The Motivated Parent Podcast often. If you can’t show up to everything (because of work and life), give them 100% of your attention when they tell you about what happened!
“RESPECT – FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!”
Respect is a great way to strengthen your relationship with your teen today. Armando and I have varying views on respect regarding the kids. For example, if the door is closed, I will knock first. They do the same to me, so I reciprocate that. When it comes to their online presence, it’s an open door. Armando doesn’t care to go through a phone or tablet. However, I occasionally check social media apps and messages. It’s not because I am nosy or a helicopter parent. I scroll quickly, looking for anything that might be “off.” It also gives me an avenue to talk to them about whatever I read in a non-threatening tone.
At any given time, they know I will look through their devices. However, because I have built a solid foundation of trust and respect with them, they understand it is not an attack on them. It is not an invasion of privacy. At some point, very soon, I won’t go through my teen’s phone. However, I know my kids will still come to me at 1 am, laughing about something dumb on an account they follow on social media.
Communication (tone), attention, and respect are three ways you can strengthen your relationship with your teens today!